Thursday, February 10, 2011

Can't Sleep.

I (David) can't sleep. I can't sleep because I'm dreaming too much. Not dreaming while asleep, mind you, but dreaming while I lay there, trying to get to sleep. Every thought is about something I'm doing, creating, working on, or something that I WANT to be doing, creating or working on. I lay with my head on the pillow, and my head is about to explode with thoughts about Dr. Pants, the music we're working on right now, the anxiety I have about whether we'll actually be able to get this gargantuan project done this year (4 EPs, and all the accompanying artwork, design, new website, mixing, mastering). I think about how I want us to do a short tour this year, at some point, somehow, some way (even if it's just two shows in Texas). I think about how all of it seems possible and yet not possible all at the same time. The songs, the music, whether new or old (I mean, it could be a song from the EP we're doing now, or one of the 3 that we plan on doing, or it could be a song from Gardening In a Tornado or Cusack-Loggins, or even Feezle Day or earlier) run through my head. I work on solos and try and make them better, hear notes and phrases that I want to play next time we perform the song, or when we record it.

I think about the Mixtape Jones Radio Show and how I long to grow its audience. I want to create a community of people nationwide who are listening to the show, commenting on the Facebook page, all talking about our favorite songs of the moment, of the year, of all time...

I long for a moment when things fall together and obstacles are removed, overcome, no longer a head spins as these thoughts and ideas and desires overtake me and eliminate any possibility of true rest until some of it, any of it, comes to fruition. It's as if my restless spirit has decided that it must be cured, or subdued by progress, by measurable steps taken if sleep is to return to my life.

This has been going on for days. Somehow I got to sleep last night between 2:30 and 3:00 am...I am hoping maybe, somehow, now that I've poured some of this out through the keyboard, that tonight I can make my head stop earlier.

I am grateful that the things that keep me up at night are about passion. They are about a true dedication to work that I love. Are there stresses in my life? Money worries, etc? Absolutely. But sleep has and does serve as an escape from those things. I said I have anxiety about whether I'll get this project done, and that's true, but I also have such hope that it feels a lot less like stress and more like anticipation.

Okay. Going back to give sleep another shot. I hope it only keeps my brain at bay temporarily, and that I have the same struggle all over again tomorrow night.

1 comment:

Mike from said...

It's all gonna happen. You're like me. I *see* how everything will play out and it is tough to let it happen in *real time* and that is the genius of creativity, right? I have been up at 2:48 am every day for the past nine days. Tonight I am just going to stay up that late. You do wonderful and amazingly creative things. It's all gonna happen.