Ugh. Suck Round-Up.

So, I really can’t believe the gall of some people. I mean, I suppose it’s par for the course…the world that brought us Britney Spears, Nickelback AND Insane Clown Posse would somehow, someway eventually see a New Kids On the Block reunion. The inevitability doesn’t make it hurt any less. Kind of like the inevitability of DEATH doesn’t make it hurt any less. Not only are the New Kids insulting us with their very presence, but they’ve had the nerve to blame their poor ticket sales on THE RECESSION. Could it be that in this time of hardship, people want SOMETHING MORE out of their art/music/etc. than just dimestore, teeny-bopper swill?? Isn’t it possible that the time for the disgustingly bad music foisted on us by this band of pretty boy slags has passed? That the public at large has wised up? I mean, Dear God Almighty.

Part two of the Suck Round-Up this week simply MUST be devoted to the fact that Sting (the biggest turncoat in the history of music…member of a pivotal, significant, and fundamentally AWESOME band goes solo and becomes a purveyor of adult contemporary, lite-pop, trendy world music-influenced tripe that sounds not only like it’s destined for the muzak channel at the grocery store, but that it was created with said channel IN MIND) has decided to make another record, and that this record he’s making shows no indication that last year’s Police reunion had any sort of “wake-up call” effect on him at all. Here is Rolling Stone’s description of his upcoming record:

“The October 27th album, inspired by what Sting calls his favorite season, will feature two original compositions along with carols, lullabies and traditional songs from the British Isles.”

SERIOUSLY?? This has the potential to be the most boring record EVER. The man who I thought had already perfected the art of being an overly innocuous, adult contemporary snore might actually top himself in that department. Ultimately, I just don’t get it I suppose. The Police made some of the most compelling records in the entire rock & roll canon, and I can’t understand why someone would abandon all the elements that made that music so great and go in such a profoundly uninteresting direction. Mind you, I have nothing against traditional music (much of it, including the British kind, is compelling in its own right), but I guarantee you that Sting will somehow manage to completely strip it of any feeling and energy whatsoever (see the “Kenny G Style Production With Vocals” approach that made the song “Fields of Gold” such a big hit, meanwhile possibly completely obliterating what is probably a pretty decent song).

Ugh. Thank God there’s a new Wilco album coming out, as well as a new Phish album and a Beastie Boys record. The Beatles reissues are coming up quick, too…These things, quite simply must restore balance to the universe, jedi-style.